I’m lying in my bed
I feel the darkness enclose
I close my eyes to keep it away,
But I can feel it
Its dark and cold,
Like what happens when there is no love.
Love has warmth,
But there I’m lying, feeling no love
Only cold darkness.
I feel it choking
The life out of me
Out of everything around me.
I don’t realise but I drift off to sleep,
I dream of everything that I once had
All the love,
All the warmth,
All the laughter,
I don’t realise, but a smile comes across my face
I find it difficult to hold onto that smile.
It used to be easy once,
To find that love,
To find that warmth.
I wake up
Look out the window,
See the sun coming out
Slowly spreading the warmth through the leaves.
I try to feel it with my hands,
Holding onto it
Coz I know, I’m gonna need that
To survive another day
I need that love.
You know how they say.. Life changes in an instant, when you’re least anticipating..they’re right.
I wonder if my life would have been any diff if, two years from now I had decided to come back home. Would I have been ‘diseased’ like I am now. Would I have had a better relationship with my friends, although some of them are definitely better. Would i have been so close to my parents. And most of all would I have known how much I miss the daily grind of a normal life.
My life in the last two years has come to a complete halt. While everyone around me is living their life. Getting married, getting promoted, moving on in their career, travelling, doing what they love. I feel stuck.
Its not that big a deal. I know. Life will move ahead. I know that too. Things will definitely look up even. But what if I’m too late in catching up with the rest of the world. What if ,when I get married or get going in my career or go travelling places like I had always planned on, ppl will just shrug and say ‘oh been there done that’.
That there, is my biggest fear. That I will be prehistoric when I’m only a 20 something.
Like someone said to me – ‘you’ve had to grow too fast too soon in the last two years.’
Maybe I should slow down the growing process and do what ppl my age do. Just live life instead of worrying where it is going.
Yup, that’s what I’m going to do.
Or I could become a saint and start preaching the art of patience.